Today was suppose to be amazing.
It was beautiful outside!
Like so beautiful you regret not shaving your legs all winter because you want to wear shorts beautiful.
Sooo...of course my expectations were very high today.
I woke up at 9 this morning (to the surprise of my Madre)
to shake my sillies out with my favorite three year old in the whole world.
^This guy (Sir Cuteness) is awesome.
And mine so back off ladies.
So we went to the library where little kids danced and listened to books and played and when it was over we went back to the car and that is when the devastation happened.
Being a poor, slightly abandoned, independent gal,
I have to sacrifice.
And one thing that a girl can NOT live without is makeup.
Thank goodness I still have that, right?
Second thing...a cell phone :(
That's right ladies...and gents.
This gal is currently without a phone.
When it hit me, for some reason I was depressed. Crying even.
And its not even the reason my phone was turned off.
It was the fact that I am so tired of feeling like a loser and old.
Old mentally...not physically ( no wrinkles for this chick yet. )
I have no car, no phone, and I still feel like I invaded a home.
Which is dumb, I know (don't yell at me, Madre. I know you love me. )
Most of those problems can be fixed by getting job; but what if I fail at that too.
Today has been so emotional for me.
I keep thinking about past decisions and missing what could have been.
Which is not healthy I know and I would not be the person I am today; not nearly as strong and I would not have found God without going through all my challenges.
I just want to feel like I am worth something.
I just want a hug...
which is something I usually run from.
The only thing stopping me from eating my feelings right now is
1. the kitchen is sooooo far away
2. everyone is asleep and I am very bad at being quiet
3. for some reason it is against Madre's morals to buy me JUNK food...I mean would it be awful for a chica to have a whole bag of pizza rolls and maybe a heart attack on the side?
I'm rambling...Good night or Good morning. Have pleasant dreams or may your day be sunny and full of laughter.
Believe*
Oh girl... life will be FULL of those moments where you look back & think about if you did things different & the "Coulda been's"... they can bring a spirit down. But the past is the past... so look ahead... to the future God has in store for you :)
ReplyDeleteNo junk food at all? ouch!!! But you'll be thanking her when you're in your 40's & still looking & feeling like you do now :)
And btw - that song for the day? AWESOME!!! I've never even heard of that singer before & now, I'm obsessed - that voice is amazing!
Isn't it amazing?! I love that song and her voice is just so unique!
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